21 Years Without My Daddy

On September 1, 2004, my life as I knew it changed forever. My dad died of throat cancer. He was young. He was only 49 years old. As I am someone now who is 45 years old, it hits me harder each and every year I get closer to the age he was when he passed away. He was so young.

In the 21 years he has been gone has been full of ups and downs. I was only 24 years old when he died and I can admit his death caused me to do some really dumb things. My advice don’t make any life decisions when your life is in turmoil. I would go back and change the dumb things I did during that time because I honestly felt nothing. I was so out of it and had no idea what to do with the rest of my life.

It’s taken me a few days to be able to write this post without crying. My dad was one of a kind and one of those people who automatically make life special. At his funeral, we discovered all the wonderful, kind things he did for people without telling anyone else. My aunt, Elaine, put it best when she said “Jerry was like George Bailey (from “It’s a Wonderful Life”). It’s true. Just like George Bailey, my dad did so many things for other people, if he never was born many lives would have been affected.

My mom said she fell in love with him at first sight. It was a blind date she was unaware of. Her friend from work had a friend from high school (this guy named Jerry) and her friend’s boyfriend was working that night on my dad’s race car . My mom went to a bedroom and was chatting with her friend’s mom then she came into the living room and her life changed forever. She said he was standing there with jean cutoffs on (it was 1975 so it’s the fashion) and a big bloody swollen lip from a wrench falling on his mouth. She said he had the most beautiful smile she had ever seen. A smile I inherited which I am thankful for. It’s the same smile as my dad and my beautiful grandma, Laura. Laura was my dad’s mom and was amazing.

From there, they went on a marathon date and within the next two weeks, they were engaged. The following June, they were married. I came along four years later. I remember how my dad could do anything. He was smart. He was quick-witted. He loved to go up north at the family cottage where he spent summers since he was a little boy. That was his place of peace. He loved boating and had two boats named after his little girl. Both named “Jennifer Lynn”. I have the sign in my sewing studio that he made for the boat.

I just know I have a wonderful set of parents and am so thankful I was able to have them as my parents. My mom is tough. I know being a young widow is hard. She was a widow in her early 50’s. She managed to pay off the house and figure out life without my dad by her side. She gets sad sometimes because she will never have retirement and grow old with him. She sure stuck by his side in the “in sickness and in health” part. She was his voice when he did not have one and took care of everything. I don’t know how she did it all but she did. I also have no idea how I managed to work in college, have a full load of classes and be in a sorority but still managed to come home any chance I got.

When my dad got diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer, I was almost 21. I had just lost my “little” sister in my sorority to a horrific car accident and passed away. At that time, I was dealing with survivor’s guilt. I was supposed to be in the car with her and her brother when they got in an accident and immediately passed away. That was hard to deal with. I never understood why I was able to live due to a change in schedules. I’ll do a post about that another day. My point is my life was really hard in that time period and I was trying to be strong for my family especially my mom and manage to graduate college.

There are so many good things I can write about my dad, but a couple things that just amazed me about him. His sense of humor was the best. I see my son at age 12 having the same sense of humor. My dad would say the funniest thing but not mean to be funny. It was the best. He was hysterical and all of us get together to this day and laugh so hard about his humor. I love being able to see it in my son. It makes my heart happy.

One of his favorite phrases to say to me was “get your head out of your ass”. It’s solid advice. My head has been in the wrong place and making bad decisions and he would just be blunt and say that comment. I love how he would get so excited about talking on the phone to my aunt/his sister or any of his buddies. My mom would always say “oh, he’s like a woman on the phone.” He loved to eat little chocolate donuts at night or have some ginger snaps. As he would pop one in his mouth, he had this look of joy on his face like a little kid.

Here is a picture of my parent’s not long after being married. Look at those fashionistas! I believe this tree was the “Griswald Christmas Tree” from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. My mom said it was waaaaaaaaay too big for the house and had to be cut down. My dad was saying it was going to be too big but she insisted it was perfect. Well, it’s a beautiful tree.

All I have to say is I loved my dad and every memory I have of him I cherish. The garage is still the same. His jackets and puffy vest are still hanging out there as he left it. Not long ago, I went into the garage and sniffed his jacket. It broke me. It still smelled like him. Anyone who knew him was lucky to know someone who was so genuine, loving, funny, kind and was probably the most knowledgeable person about cars. He loved cars, boats, motorcycles, snowmobiles, canoes, his Harley golf cart, his big truck and his little truck, etc. My mom and I never knew what was coming home on a trailer some days. It was always something.

As you can tell, I seem to have a pattern of including a song or clip in my posts. This time in honor of my dad being like “George Bailey”, here is a link from YouTube.

This is what Clarence the Angel writes in the book he gives George before he gets his wings.

Lots of love to you all. Hold your loved ones tight and tell them how much you love them. I wish I had my dad around to tell him about my day and see what he has to say about any topic in general.

Love always, Jen